The Matrix, the Reset, and the Red-Pill Life I Didn’t Choose
On layoffs, spiritual systems, and the reality glitch that is the VA
I’ve been strangely obsessed with The Matrix trilogy lately—not the movies themselves (though they deserve a rewatch), but the deep-dive, slightly unhinged YouTube commentaries on archetypes, narrative structure, and the rabbit holes one can accidentally fall into if you're just curious (or tired) enough.
I remember when the original came out in 1999. Scot and I—sci-fi nerds, Keanu fans, and young ministers—were front row at the Eltrym Theatre in Baker City, Oregon. We left buzzing, spouting Scripture, and delighted that someone had finally made a movie spiritual enough to preach. And preach we did. We bought all the fan-pastor commentaries, taught youth nights with Neo devotionals, and tried to convince unimpressed teenagers that The Matrix had all the answers they’d ever need.
We were also among the many who felt that Reloaded and Revolutions fell flat. But recently, I learned something I didn’t know back then: the Wachowskis wrote all three films as one unified story arc. A mythic structure. One continuous thread.
And the deeper I went into this commentary rabbit hole, the more I realized:
Like so many before us, we missed the point.
The Cycle Beneath the Story
The matrix—this AI-powered, human-placating illusion—wasn’t a static villain. It had been rebooted, over and over, each time slightly different. But each “new version” was, in reality, just another iteration designed to keep humanity pacified while the machines remained in control.
The key twist in this trilogy isn’t Neo becoming “the One.”
It’s that this time, the One is offered a real choice:
Reset... or reject?
Every previous savior had unknowingly served the system by becoming part of its reset mechanism.
But Neo chooses to break the loop.
And something in me broke when I heard that.
Because I realized I’m in the middle of my own iteration.
Another reset.
And this time, I want a different outcome.
A Layoff, A Baby Business, and a Shifting System
We all go through resets—some voluntary, some forced.
Mine? Forced.
I recently lost my job of two years. It was a remote role with a mission I believed in, one I took during a rocky chapter in 2023 when our self-employment couldn’t cover the bills. I didn’t want to go back to working for someone else—but the work felt aligned, and I genuinely loved it.
But after the 2024 election, the org pivoted. The mission shifted.
And I was out.
Let the reset begin.
Thankfully, Wild Squatch Wellness—my soul-led, nature-rooted wellness company—was already sprouting. But as any entrepreneur knows, newborns are needy. They don’t pay the bills right away. They demand presence, creativity, and faith on fumes.
Which brings me to now:
My upcoming paycheck? The last one.
Let the panic ensue.
And it has.
The System Behind the System
As if that weren’t enough, we’re also in a long, exhausting fight with another matrix: the VA.
My husband Scot is a Gulf War veteran. He came home, but the war followed. And now, as we navigate claim submissions, C&P evaluations, denials, resubmissions, and the glacial machinery of a system built on delay… we’re stuck in a holding pattern.
Will the benefits come? Will they be enough?
We don’t know.
And that not-knowing bleeds into everything.
You can’t plan with that much instability. You can’t build when you’re bracing.
The VA system is a matrix all its own—full of resets and loops and “almosts.”
It’s the kind of slow-burn grief that leaves you wondering if healing is even possible when the help you need exists in theory but not yet in reality.
The Only Thing in Alignment
Here’s the wild part:
In all this breakdown, I’ve noticed something beautiful.
Every time I hit “submit” on a job application, I whisper a prayer:
Only if it’s in alignment.
And every door has stayed shut.
Which tells me something important:
Maybe the only thing in alignment right now... is me.
And maybe you.
Because here, in this quiet corner of Substack, in this little campfire I’ve built to warm whoever stumbles in, something is burning true. I don’t know what’s rising from the flames next—could be a Matrix metaphor, could be metabolic healing, could be trauma-fat wisdom wrapped in a recipe. But it’s all real. And it’s all me.
And if that’s what you came for?
You’re already in the right place.
Ways to Walk With Me
🌲 Become a paid subscriber. It helps me keep coming to this fire without wondering how I’ll kindle it.
🌲 Grab the Squatchy Summer Reset – a nervous system-first, metabolism-loving, anti-beach-body journey designed to make you feel better than green juice ever will.
🌲 Reply. Say hello. Tell me your version of the matrix. Because resonance—like resistance—is sacred.
Here’s to the reset that actually rewrites the system.
Not just for me, but maybe for all of us.
Let’s choose differently this time.
🌧 A Last Word from the Rain
The other day, it was raining.
Raining, raining—one of those steady, drenching days where even the geese on the lake gave up and took cover.
We tabled our plans. We stayed inside. And I couldn’t help but remember an old hymn from my youth:
“There shall be showers of blessing…”
I thought of Elijah’s servant, staring out at a drought-stricken horizon and seeing just a tiny cloud—the size of a man’s hand. Not much. But enough. Enough to signal that rain, real rain, was coming.
And I realized: even here, even now, we’re not forsaken.
We have not starved.
We’ve stretched every resource.
And by God—spoken even now in the language of Scot’s Acadian ancestors—“We’re still here.”
Or, as the sacred prophets Chumba Wumba once said:
“I get knocked down, but I get up again…”
This is the long game.
This is the rebuild.
And if today looks cloudy—if the path ahead is wet and washed out and full of unknowns—may the raindrops outside remind you too:
The blessings are already on their way.
